So many times when I am feeling down or searching I find myself going to LDS.org. I have had many successful "Ah ha" comfort moments that have lead me to believe this habit is worthwhile. Well tonight I was mortified when I clicked my little LDS.org link and an error came up saying the domain was down. After I refreshed, typed it in again, and clicked the button several more times I came to the conclusion it was not going to be fixed instantaneously. (Brillant conclusion, I know) Any way I remembered a friend telling me about this link to a song.... Its beautiful and worth sharing. It brought me a lot of comfort.
I have decided that I am 100% sure I am going home to Utah in December. While I am very excited about this, Part of me also feels like a failure. I love Brie and Nate, and Skye and Kyle more than I ever thought I would and it kills me to leave them while they are so young and with out being able to give them what I have. The complete and everlasting joy of the gospel, the knowledge of MORE, the truth of our divine heritage.
A few months ago I was kneeling by my bed and praying when I heard Nate walk into my room. I finished my prayer, and then looked up at him and he was staring at me. He whispered "Larissa what are you doing". So of course being the overly emotional baby that I am I started crying. Ha just the mere fact that this beautiful 3 year old boy felt the need to whisper at the moment was a huge testimony building moment for me. So while is skillfully hid my tears (right) I told Nate that I was praying to Heavenly Father. He asked me if it made me sad, and I told him no, that it made me very very happy. Every once in a while he will come in my room at night and ask me if I am going to pray. I tell him yes of course, and he always replys with "Oh good, I like when you do that".
I know I will have to move on, and that these are not my children, I just wish I could do more. I am the only LDS person this family knows, and I pray I've set the right example and given them the right image that maybe one day they will find the joy we have. I hold on to that hope. I have about 4 more months to be the best example I can be. I have to push out my thoughts of just going home for a while. I am more homesick than I have ever been in my life, but I know I am supposed to be here. I will just have to learn how to be stronger.... that only comes from opportunites to prove it right?!
The family did tell me they will only hire LDS nannies from now on.... and Nate and Brie at least know who God is and that he loves them and they are his children. I taught them "I am a Child of God". I got a little nervous when they were singing it around the parents but they didn't seem to mind.
Its way to late/early to be blogging. Sorry if this doesn't make sense.
I have decided that I am 100% sure I am going home to Utah in December. While I am very excited about this, Part of me also feels like a failure. I love Brie and Nate, and Skye and Kyle more than I ever thought I would and it kills me to leave them while they are so young and with out being able to give them what I have. The complete and everlasting joy of the gospel, the knowledge of MORE, the truth of our divine heritage.
A few months ago I was kneeling by my bed and praying when I heard Nate walk into my room. I finished my prayer, and then looked up at him and he was staring at me. He whispered "Larissa what are you doing". So of course being the overly emotional baby that I am I started crying. Ha just the mere fact that this beautiful 3 year old boy felt the need to whisper at the moment was a huge testimony building moment for me. So while is skillfully hid my tears (right) I told Nate that I was praying to Heavenly Father. He asked me if it made me sad, and I told him no, that it made me very very happy. Every once in a while he will come in my room at night and ask me if I am going to pray. I tell him yes of course, and he always replys with "Oh good, I like when you do that".
I know I will have to move on, and that these are not my children, I just wish I could do more. I am the only LDS person this family knows, and I pray I've set the right example and given them the right image that maybe one day they will find the joy we have. I hold on to that hope. I have about 4 more months to be the best example I can be. I have to push out my thoughts of just going home for a while. I am more homesick than I have ever been in my life, but I know I am supposed to be here. I will just have to learn how to be stronger.... that only comes from opportunites to prove it right?!
The family did tell me they will only hire LDS nannies from now on.... and Nate and Brie at least know who God is and that he loves them and they are his children. I taught them "I am a Child of God". I got a little nervous when they were singing it around the parents but they didn't seem to mind.
Its way to late/early to be blogging. Sorry if this doesn't make sense.
2 comments:
I have never done that - search randomly on LDS.org for different things. I'll have to try that in the future. However, one day I found a copy of stand a little taller laying around, and I pick it up and ended up reading all the way to August! It was kind of crazy how much I enjoyed it.
It sounds to me like you are being a good influence on this family. I know it must be so hard for you to be away from home for so long, but I think you are doing a great job. You've made wonderful new friends and it seems like you really enjoy the kids. I'm kind of jealous that you are a brave enough person to do something like that. I don't know if I ever could.
Anyways, I love you bunches and I'm so excited for the next four months to fly by so that I get to see your lovely face in person. I miss you!
In Preach My Gospel there is a part that talks about how no effort is wasted. The example you are to this family will stay with them throughout their lives, they are already better people for having known you. One day that little boy may meet a pair of missionaries on the street who teach him how to pray, and he will realize that they pray like you do, and that it makes him happy too. One day when one of them are having a hard time and feel like they are worthless the words to "I am a Child of God" will slowly begin playing in their minds and they will remember who they are. I think it's wonderful that you have taken the opportunities you've had with this family to share a little bit of the gospel. Continue being the great example you are, I know you are a great example to me! I know I need to work on sharing bits of the gospel with others.
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