Exhaustion

I've been an insomniac since my sophomore year of high school 7 years ago. My average night sleep has always been 3-5 hours and thats always proven to be sufficient for me. I am a morning person. I rarely wake up groggy or grumpy. I am usually ready for the day to begin. I've always seen sleep as a necessary evil. Yes I realize that sounds ridiculous but I hate sleeping. I am child and afraid of the dark.... plus I have nightmares. It just seems like so much time to waste.

I have gotten tons of things done in my long insomniac induced nights, learned amazing things, and built friendships.... but now? Now I am getting old. I go to sleep between 10 and 11 most nights. I wake up at 5:00 am. Thats 6-7 hours of sleep. Yes I realize you can all do math, I am thinking out loud (on computer screen?) Any way this morning (and every morning for the past couple weeks) I have woken up begrudgingly. I literally fell asleep at the desk at work this morning. That has never happened to me. A couple weeks ago I even slept through my alarm clock. WHAT?! I can remember one other time that has happened to me. I despise being late, it was not a fun experience.

Any way its now 4:30 in the afternoon and my eyes are having a hard time staying open. When did this happen? When did I start requiring more sleep? Yes I realize the average person needs 8 hours but its incredibly annoying. I have way to much to do to sleep a third of my day away.

I guess it doesn't help that I just got over the flu earlier this week and my body has yet to recover.

Any way I decided to search exhaustion on lds.org. (One of my favorite hobbies) I found a talk called Exhaustion is Not a Prerequisite to Perfection. The first paragraph says,

"In my house hangs an imaginary blue ribbon. It is magnificent: two rows of ruffles and long, flowing streamers. In the center, in large letters, it reads, “First Place: Exhausted 87% of the Time.” It’s mine—I worked hard for it."

I realized this is my issue. I only feel productive/useful if I work myself to complete exhaustion. I don't like to "do nothing". When I try to my mind goes off at top speeds about the 500 other things I could and should be doing. I found another talk by Russel M Ballard (read it here its incredible!) about putting life's demands in balance.

Its very important to be a hardworker, to do those every day tasks around the house and to serve others. However its just important to build relationships and to take care of ourselves. Life truly is about balance. I need to learn this ---->

"I realize, brothers and sisters, that other suggestions could be added to these. However, I believe that when we focus on a few basic objectives, we are more likely to be able to manage the many demands that life makes on us. Remember, too much of anything in life can throw us off-balance. At the same time, too little of the important things can do the same thing. King Benjamin counseled “that all these things are done in wisdom and order”

Basically I am learning that it is ok for me to sleep. :P My next lesson? How to say no.