21? Psh... I am definitely still 5...

So Josie came home tonight while Heather and I were playing Texas Hold'em on the front lawn (it was BEAUTIFUL outside, and we have a front lawn. Score.) Any way she got this bag out of the car trunk and then handed me something. It was a nightlight. No this was not a gag gift, and I didn't laugh. I was legitimately excited for my nightlight. So basically Josie is the sweetest for thinking of such a gift. See not only am I an insomniac but I am also 5 years old and afraid of night time. Its not so much fear of the dark, although that plays into it, its just night in general. Once I do fall asleep a good percentage of the time I wake up from horrible dreams. I blame my over active imagination. Getting back to sleep is even harder than falling asleep in the first place.

Don't worry it gets worse.... I also can't sleep without my teddy bear. I will literally wake up in the middle of the night and if he is not with in an arms reach panic sets in. Its ridiculous. I will be the first to admit it. I mean I can't go my entire life sleeping with a teddy bear. However at what point is one supposed to stop sleeping with a teddy bear? Seriously. Night time is the only time when I am not too busy to think, about any and everything ya know? I have never really had a strong attachment to a stuffed animal before... So naturally at 21 its very sane to gain one. Right? Wrong. Clairence looks like I have had him for my entire life. He's so beat up. (The picture is what he looked like when we first got him) In reality its been about 18 months since I got him. I feel like admitting I sleep with a night light and teddy bear should embarrass me, but whatever. Most of the people who read this blog know me well enough to know this about me. I have been debating whether or not I should bring Clairence to Africa with me. (I know real life issues here people :P) At first I wasn't going to because I didn't want to lose him or something, but with my less than love feeling towards flying I think I will just bring him.
Reading my scriptures and praying before bed really does help calm me down, its just actually falling asleep, staying sleep and not having nightmares that get me. I really hope this isn't passed along to my children. Sleeping should not be something you dread. Ever. To help with 5 year old M.O. I drew pictures and colored them with crayons tonight with my roommate. There were no kids over. Thats totally normal. Maybe thats why I enjoy working with kids so much; I am one.

Speaking of kids. I am getting so EXCITED for Africa its insane. I watch that video I posted previously like 8 times a day. Its going to be life changing, my family told me to remember to come back. As well as my sister making me promise I wasn't going to get a disease and die. Paranoid much? ha ha I love her.

I've decided my love for adventure will never die. Life is an adventure and we find one in all that we do. The world is a scary place these days and there is evil all around, but guess what? Its also a beautiful place with so much GOOD all around us, in so many forms. We have the opportunity to give, not just the material things, but really give ourselves. Our time, our talents, our love. There is nothing greater than reaching out and showing true compassion. There is nothing better for the soul or the survival of humanity. Just watching that video proves these kids will do so much more for me than I will ever accomplish for them. We'll lift each other up. I am so glad I am going with my best friends. One of my friends told me he doesn't want to be any where around me for a few weeks after I get back because he's sure I will turn into a "hippie" ha ha what does that even mean? Guess what? I'm rambling again. Stalling the oh so dreaded process of going to sleep. Shame. Well if you made it through this entire post I applaud you. I even got bored of it ;) Love you all. 16 days till Africa. Holy Cow.